the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
