First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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