so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
