I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
