if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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