So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
