So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
