Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
