And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
