Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
