Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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