I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
