guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
