Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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