This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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