hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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