just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
