I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
