you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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