he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
