I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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