Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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