Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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