Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
