in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
