so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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