why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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