i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
