If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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