we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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