Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
