alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
