I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
