and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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