My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize