Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
