I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
