just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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