Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
