well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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