You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
