He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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