What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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