AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
