Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
