yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
