Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
