Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
