my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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