Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
