I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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