I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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