maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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