I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
