I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
