And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
