doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
