I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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