Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
