I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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