On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
