I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
