do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
