So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
worst night to have a conscience
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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